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Yeah, it's a big, nerdy in-joke that everyone has made by now. But I was late to the party with Portal, so I couldn't make the joke until now. However, I've just finished the game, which did live up to all the gushing reviews. It's goddamned brilliant. So brilliant that I want to tell everyone about it, but none of my friends are gamers and so they just politely nod as their eyes glaze over and I feel even geekier than normal.
It's a good thing nobody reads this, for several reasons. Starting with the above paragraphs. Videogame nerds would be disgusted with me for making jokes about a month-old meme; non-videogame nerds would have quit reading immediately when they didn't get the reference. I'd be left with an audience of obsessive-compulsive people who NEED to finish reading everything they start.
Another reason it's good that I don't have any readers is that I don't feel compelled to apologize for the two-month hiatus. I spent two weeks in Italy, seeing fascinating things that I really wanted to write about. I started when we got back, but I saw so much cool stuff and so much weird stuff that it got overwhelming and I gave up the project. So the blog kinda withered and died, only to be resurrected tonight since my insomnia's flared up again.
Anyhow, brief summary of Italy:
- They are the worst drivers in the world, bar none. I have a dozen anecdotes to back up this statement, but in the interest of brevity, I'm moving on. Just trust me.
- Awesome food. I knew going in that it would be good, but I didn't count on it also being cheap. Salad, house wine, sparkling water, and delicious pasta for two usually ran about 22 Euro, which is only about 30 bucks given the horrid exchange rate.
- I'm not really a big art guy, but Michelangelo's David is the most impressive work of art I've ever seen. I am a big cathedral guy, and St. Peter's is incredible. Blows away St. Paul's in London, with Notre Dame an even-more distant third.
- Underrated women. They're not all model-hot like the women in Paris, but if you like 'em dark and curvy, you're in luck. Also, it's completely socially acceptable to blatantly stare at people, so you can make prolonged eye contact with every attractive woman, which is just fun. Of course, maybe I just got away with it because I was a full foot taller than all the men over there and nobody wanted to call me out.
- Denim. Holy fuck. They like their denim over there. Lots of denim jackets worn with jeans, which is just a denim shirt away from the full-on Canadian tuxedo. The other fashion trend is gold-lame Nike Shox, which was possibly even more baffling than the rampant denim.
All in all, two big thumbs up for Italy, which beat out England and France to claim the top spot on my (admittedly short) list of the best places I've been.
Now that I've gotten that out of my system, maybe I can start posting more regularly, and possibly attract more hypothetical readers. I remain hopeful.
