If anybody needs me later this afternoon, I'll be cowering in my basement, rocking a sweet tinfoil hat. (Can one rock something while cowering? I will try.) The structure of the hat is still up for debate, so if any hypothetical readers have suggestions, I'm all ears (literally; please take my freakishly large ears into account when submitting chapeau designs). I was originally thinking generic dome shape, but since tinfoil is pretty easy to work with, I might actually fashion something. Like maybe tri-corner. I'm not artistic at all, but I guess paranoia gets the creative juices flowing, and there's no sense in having a mundane tinfoil hat.
Why the sudden feeling that everyone's out to get me? Probably because they are. Today has been a non-stop stream of irritation. People I haven't heard from in months have crawled out from under their rocks with the sole purpose of pissing me off. And my friends wonder why I don't get a Facebook page.
I just had a woman who I worked with two years ago and haven't seen since take 30 minutes of my time because she couldn't figure out basic features of PowerPoint and apparently has never heard of Google. Another coworker blatantly lied to me about the readiness of some information he wanted posted to our intranet site, then left the country. A different lady spent all last week harping on me about how I needed to format her newsletter content correctly, then informed me today that we had to re-send it all because she screwed up all the dates she listed in the content. I'm dreading every peep from my instant messenger client, every ding from the email inbox. And worst of all, my laptop keyboard is broken... the tiny plastic tabs holding K and L keys to their respective supports have mysteriously vanished, which makes typing kinda like running in the dark down a bumpy dirt road. Covered in crocodiles. OK, that last bit might be overdramatic. But still.
I also wonder why these particular keys broke. I can't think of a word containing those letters that I type emphatically and repeatedly. Is it because They have put a tracking device in my keyboard? Are They listening now? Where did I put the tinfoil again?
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3 comments:
So we're going to leave comments to each other about once each year? Or have you been stalking me...just waiting for me to start up again? What pattern did you settle on for your hat?
I can think of a word that has those letters, and which I would type often and forcefully enough to break them: f***kall. Because people annoy me, too. :)
Once a year sounds about right... I took a pretty lengthy hiatus, but am trying to post more regularly. Read your comment and figured I'd see what you were up to and repay the favor (several months late).
For my hat, I went with the spiked helmet that ze Germans wore in WWI. Fitting, given that I've spent a lot of time lately engaging in what feels like trench warfare with morons.
Can't you sick your minion on some of these people? Or, at least, hijack her fully-functional keyboard?
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